Crab legs and fights with the ex

Have you tried that “Medicine Ball” drink off the secret Starbucks menu? (I sound like a pre-teen girl who was just granted permission to walk around the mall with her friends and no adult supervision). Anyway. It’s fucking phenomenal. A blend of teas topped off with steamed lemonade?! Genius. No. This is not an #ad…this is a desperate attempt to get someone to bring me one STAT.

Today sucks.Simple as that. I feel like I’ve been nursing a “cold” for the past month. Have you seen those memes that talk about how you don’t appreciate your nose until it’s completely clogged and you can only breathe out of your mouth? I’ve never related more. As I sit here and type this, I sound like an overweight man in his late 50s who just climbed a single flight of stairs but is truly on the verge of a very serious heart attack. I can’t freaking breathe!

It’s beautiful outside. So I’ve been told. I woke up to a FaceTime call from my lovely mother… “Hi Sweetheart! I’m driving home in Mary’s Tesla we were up ALL night at the concert. So fun. We are so hungover but look at what we got?!” (She points to a Bacon, egg, and gouda breakfast sandwich from Starbucks). “It’s beautiful outside! Get out of bed.” I love my mother to death, but that call might have perpetuated my lingering combination of self-diagnosed depression and seasonal sickness (or very serious oncoming heart attack).

She’s right. I should be outside. I should be basking in the sunshine on this “warm” Chicago day. (It’s 42 degrees for those of you who are curious). That’s what warmth looks like here.

I had a dreadful nightmare that it was my college graduation and everything went awry. The three prominent things that lingered after the dream: we were running late and I didn’t get a single photo, there was a buffet with old crab legs and stale bagels, and my (first) ex and I fought the entire night. Per fucking usual. (I have the luxury of throwing as much shade as I’d like considering he has me blocked on every social media platform). Honestly…this isn’t too far off from my real-life college graduation. Although, there were no crab legs. Old or not…those would have been a nice touch. My youngest brother ended up getting food poisoning anyway. I’m sure he would have rather it been from crab than a dive bar burger.

Anyway, if there are any folks out there with a speciality in dream analysis, please let me know what old crab legs, the lack of photos, and a fight with my ex might mean.

I don’t have anything else to say currently. I mostly wanted to complain…and until I get a cat (or a lizard), I have no one else to verbally express my emotions to. (Kidding. Kind of). So in sum, the takeaway from this entry…please send over the delicious tea drink from S-Bux.

Over and out.

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