Adults are amazing.Let me rephrase…REAL adults are amazing. The kind of adult that grinds their own coffee beans, pours them into a filter (the NIGHT BEFORE), and successfully has their coffee prepared for themselves as they sit down catching up on the morning news, eating a piece of perfectly toasted toast with butter and jelly, and sipping on their coffee. I burn my toast every fucking time.
My morning doesn’t look anything like that. I’m currently in the market for a new job. So, I have a lot of time on my hands, to say the least. (If you follow me on Instagram, I am sure you have gathered this much already). Allow me to share with you what my morning consists of:
I wake up at 8:51 AM every day. (Whoever sets their alarms to like, 7:30 or 8AM on the dot, is a fucking psychopath. Don’t trust them). I walk to the bathroom, take a gander at the four new pimples that created a home for themselves on my face in the night, squeeze that puss out of them, and walk out. Without brushing my teeth- ONLY because at SOME point, I’m going to drink coffee and eat, so I tell myself I’ll just do it after- if I remember. Side note, I have fairly straight and white teeth. I’ve never had a cavity and I try to stay up to date on my yearly dental exams. (I’ve been slacking for the past two years, but in 2016 I was a rockstar of a patient). So when people ask what my secret is, I tell them to stop wearing their retainer and avoid flossing at all costs.
Moving on. I walk out of the bathroom and to my scale. This is habit. I weigh myself, only to grow disappointed that I have gained yet another pound overnight. I don’t know why this continues to surprise me…I probably ate leftover stir fry and half of a pint of ice-cream at 3 AM when I randomly woke up in the middle of the night. What the fuck did I expect?! After I have convinced myself that my scale is broken, I walk on over to my kitchen, take my morning medication, and grab my OVERSIZED box of goldfish. My G*d, I dig my hands in their like a hungry toddler who just started eating solid food. I’m on my couch at this point. Stretched out and comfortable as all hell. I catch a whiff of my armpits and holy shit, I’m in need of some deodorant. (As I typed that I JUST realized that if you break down the word, it’s de-odor. Took me nearly 24 years to figure that one out). Anyway, I slap on some deodorant and put some dry shampoo in my hair until it turns a nice shade of gray, and I’m pretty much ready for the day. LOL, oh, you’re suggesting a shower? Screw you. So- that’s a summary of my morning. Can you relate OR are you about to stop reading my blog forever because you just realized I am a dirty homeless man disguised as a decent looking woman? I don’t blame you.
I honestly have no idea where this entry is going. I woke up, had the most incredible conversation with the most AMAZING girl (hehe you know who you are), and started feeling inspired to write. Let’s be honest, I’m no F. Scott Fitzgerald, I don’t know how to properly use parentheses or commas, and my blog posts are incredibly hard to follow due to my self-diagnosed ADD. But here’s the thing…I’m relatable. I think. I mean, name another girl blogger who is openly willing to admit that she picks her nose and still eats lunchables. Yup. That’s what I thought.
What a damn tangent.
So as I’m conversing with this AMAZING girl, she’s like, “this is the TJ Maxx of conversations.” I don’t know if that phrase is commonly used but holy shit, it’s my new go-to. There is no better way to spend your day than sniffing every candle in TJ Maxx. And I’m talking EVERY CANDLE. Even the ones you see in the check-out line. Side note- does anyone ever buy food/candies/snacks at department stores like that? I don’t know. Kind of gives me the heebie- jeebies. Stay focused, Sam.
Today, I reached out to a Pinterest page that is catered to girls in college. Their boards consist of fashion trends, relationship goals, how to plan parties, DIY gifts, etc. The essentials of getting through college. But it’s missing one thing. Recognition of the hardships. This Pinterest page doesn’t prepare you for it. NO ONE prepares you for the adjustment disorder you are about to develop. No one tells you that you’re supposed to wash your sheets more than once a month. No one tells you that you’re going to have to coordinate times with your roommate to get a little frisky in your dorm room (if you catch my drift) with your boyfriend who is 400 miles away from you. No one tells you that you’re going to break up with your boyfriend 27 times and endure the most painful of all breakups. No one tells you that your sorority “sisters” will end up being the most spiteful and backstabbing bitches you’ll ever know. (I should have assumed that was coming). No one tells you that by the end of first semester, you’ll be completely dependent on Adderall. No one tells you you’re going to get beat up for picking a fight with the wrong girl on your floor. Okay- that doesn’t happen often- BUT IT HAPPENED TO ME and do you think I was prepared for that shit?! NO.
In all seriousness, college is a place where you start to explore your identity. It’s confusing and messy and even when you’re surrounded by a plethora of people who are going through the very same thing, you always seem to feel so alone. Sure you can attend 7 counseling sessions through the school before they cut you off, but do you think that sufficed? No. College is competitive and intimidating. The amount of pressure we endure goes unnoticed often times. Suicide rates for 15-24 year olds have tripled. http://www.collegedegreesearch.net/student-suicides/ (PLEASE EDUCATE YOURSELVES). We need to learn how to lift each other up. We need to empower one another. We need to know what to look for in ourselves and others when we start to feel low. Check in with ourselves. A tool I didn’t learn until I was in my 20s. I want to raise awareness, advocate for others, and inform students that they aren’t alone. Hell, I want to inform EVERYONE who is battling some form of change or struggle, that they are not alone.
So if you needed a reminder today that things will be okay, here it is. Fuck it. Don’t settle for “okay.” Things will be amazing. Keep fighting. Admit when you need help. Reach out. And go easy on yourself. It’s an unfair world but if we continue to work together, progress can be made. Cue “Imagine” by John Lennon. Yes, I may be a dreamer, but I’m also going to be an activist. I won’t sit idly by waiting for someone else to create change. If I have the ability to impact the life of one person, I will feel accomplished. If any of this resonates with you, please send me a message. Like I said, I have a lot of free time. 😉
Thank you, yet again, for reading my rambles.
Over and out.